The idea of change is not appealing to me now that I’m a bit more settled. I’ve grown into my ways or my ways have grown into me. I drink black coffee; I walk the dog; I do not watch horror movies.
I know who I am. I’m pretty solid in that knowledge. In fact, I feel so comfortable with myself I feel compelled to add this: I will always change. No matter who I think I am. That is my one constant.
However, sometimes change is unexpected. And one of those changes, I never really thought I would encounter in my own life, was marriage.
That may seem odd. How does a Mormon-raised, Utah girl grow to adulthood thinking she will never be married? Simple. I was never quite right as a Mormon girl. I never fit in. I could get close to choosing the “right” thing, saying the “right” thing, or wearing the right thing. But I could never maintain that “rightness” well. And I was very often on the fringes of traditional femininity throughout my childhood and early adulthood.
Marriage, I decided early on, was not for me.
Until it was. The time (apparently six years, a house, a dog, and two cars later) marriage was the right thing for me and Zak. Being married is. . . nice, actually it’s awesome. It’s a little weird how much I freaking love being married. I am appallingly disgustingly happy. (Younger me is flummoxed, current me is overjoyed.)
Only a side-effect of all this wedded bliss, is that it’s possibly also time for another change–a new name. I’ve been on the internet using my real name publicly for over 10 years, which is something like a millennia in online time. For six weeks, I’ve thought about how to handle this name change and my (admittedly teeny) place in the world. (Trust me when I say I never though I would get married. My jaw dropped when Zak asked if I was changing my name because it literally hadn’t occurred to me that I might.)
I’m not really sure what I’ll do. Like getting married, it seems like the time to make a change. And why not be dramatic about that change? I mean it’s not like this little blog of mine is going to explode.
The new legal name is good. It really, really is. I kind of want to shout the change from the rooftops, even if it is a bit scary. But the idea of using a different name that isn’t so easily connect to the real me is appealing.
So I guess for now I’ll still be Krista Mae Smith. And hey, feel free to share your name change experience. I’d love to hear from you!