Everything is…craptastic

A note from my body to my brain.

Hi there, Brain,

I know you get to be the nifty part that makes decisions and often tells me what to do, but you know what? I’m sick of this crap!

Do you you know what you have put me through?

Five months ago you decided to get in a plane for 14 hours. I still can’t sleep right after that. Then we land in this crazy country full of weird germs I’ve never seen before. I kick into overdrive trying to protect you from the weirdness. But no!  You start drinking. A lot.

I know, I know, you think it’s cool to act like a local and hang out with all these interesting people you meet. Eating weird food you cannot name makes you “interesting” and “cultured.” It’s “fun” to drink until 5 a.m. and crash out all day on a Saturday. But guess what? Liver, Kidneys and Pancreas are pissed. Brita wishes they could filter like we do.

So Brain, I’m done. I’m not fighting on your side any more. I’m giving in. All this traveling is hard on me. Do you realize how hard it is to retain water and stay warm at 12000 meters? That last 7 hour plane ride and 8 hour layover in the coldest airport in the world were just too much. I give up! I can’t keep you healthy anymore.

You will put your ass in bed at a reasonable hour, like before 4 a.m. this weekend. You will take medicine and eat food loaded up with veggies. You will stop freaking out about every little thing that goes wrong at the academy and just relax for a goddamn minute so I can recover from the heallacious five months you’ve put me through.

Please take better care of me.

Body

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