The Doors may have been talking about Oedipus and while my story is no where near the same. It’s still a nice wallow-in-self-pity song these days.
I’ve talked before about Manfriend mostly on my old blog. He was a pretty big part of my life since we met on Halloween 2009. We spent most of our days and nights together. As the time came closer for me to decide about my post-college life, we started disagreeing about what that would entail. In March I decided to go for the crazy and teach overseas. In May I decided to come to South Korea and Manfriend decided we should break up.
I don’t want to get into too much here as he is less public online than I am. But he does have his reasons. When I’m not crying about it, they are gosh darn rational ones–reasons I would agree with if it weren’t me he were breaking up with. For a brief time, we got back together (or stayed together) but in the end we couldn’t agree about what to do between time and distance. So Manfriend broke up with me again.
And that’s shitty. No one has broken up with me before. I’m the decision maker. And now it’s my turn to feel rejected and unwanted!?! I was so pissed when it finally hit me, “This relationship, this person who means so much to me is done.” I couldn’t even process the information.
I was struggling already with being in a country so different from home, surrounded by people who don’t speak my same language, confronted with daily tasks that seem monumental. And now one of the people I count on most is no longer a huge part of my life. At first we attempted to stay in contact, but that just made the break up worse. At least for me. Recently I had to say, “It’s best for me if we don’t talk.”
Of course, it was during the hardest week I’ve experienced in Chungju on the worst day I’ve had here.
Brandon says that with enough time I’ll learn something from this experience. I’m sure he’s right. Manfriend certainly helped me learn many things–patience, understanding, how to love and be loved. Not to mention, Tom Waits, Kurt Vonnegut and Twin Peaks.
But right now it’s really hard to see what I’m going to get out of this ending.