This is the end, my friend

The Doors may have been talking about Oedipus and while my story is no where near the same. It’s still a nice wallow-in-self-pity song these days.

I’ve talked before about Manfriend mostly on my old blog. He was a pretty big part of my life since we met on Halloween 2009. We spent most of our days and nights together. As the time came closer for me to decide about my post-college life, we started disagreeing about what that would entail. In March I decided to go for the crazy and teach overseas. In May I decided to come to South Korea and Manfriend decided we should break up.

I don’t want to get into too much here as he is less public online than I am. But he does have his reasons. When I’m not crying about it, they are gosh darn rational ones–reasons I would agree with if it weren’t me he were breaking up with. For a brief time, we got back together (or stayed together) but in the end we couldn’t agree about what to do between time and distance. So Manfriend broke up with me again.

And that’s shitty. No one has broken up with me before. I’m the decision maker. And now it’s my turn to feel rejected and unwanted!?! I was so pissed when it finally hit me, “This relationship, this person who means so much to me is done.” I couldn’t even process the information.

I was struggling already with being in a country so different from home, surrounded by people who don’t speak my same language, confronted with daily tasks that seem monumental. And now one of the people I count on most is no longer a huge part of my life. At first we attempted to stay in contact, but that just made the break up worse. At least for me. Recently I had to say, “It’s best for me if we don’t talk.”

Of course, it was during the hardest week I’ve experienced in Chungju on the worst day I’ve had here.

Brandon says that with enough time I’ll learn something from this experience. I’m sure he’s right. Manfriend certainly helped me learn many things–patience, understanding, how to love and be loved. Not to mention, Tom Waits, Kurt Vonnegut and Twin Peaks.

But right now it’s really hard to see what I’m going to get out of this ending.

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8 thoughts on “This is the end, my friend

  1. I know it’s tough, but the same happened to me when I decided to come to the US. I was in a relationship for 4 years already, and decided to do a work program at Disney for 2 months. TWO months only, come on. You’d think a 4 year relationship would survive that. But he was damn un-supportive of it, and jealous that I was going. I went anyway, and the 2 months were good to find out some things. And the most important of them was, I wanted a boyfriend who would be supportive of my decisions, who would be excited with me about the opportunity. So I came back and broke up with him, packed my bags again and moved to the US for a grad degree.

    Maybe you are not quite there yet, at the phase in which it all makes sense and you and him can be friends. It took me almost three years to get there. When I finally saw him again, at a vacation, and then, finally, I knew it. I had broken up and left, but I only finally moved on three years later. Give yourself time and things will be more clear. But you are already in a situation that is tough enough as it is, so it makes a break up worst. You’ll live though. And you wont ever regret the opportunity and learning you will have over in So. Korea.

    Oh, hey, for someone that doesn’t even know you, I certainly have a lot of opinions, huh? Sorry if I intrude somewhat, but I mean well.

    • Thanks, Anita! I’m happy you shared your experience. I suspect you’re right. In the end, I’ll be able to see things more clearly, but for now I’m just getting used to things again. Thank you for reading!

  2. oh, i also bought myself a new pair of shoes and a new color of nail polish. i swore to myself i would return the shoes if i went back with the ex.

  3. I wanna hung you girly. I miss you.
    You will learn a ton. Remember me pre and post Michael, and then me pre and post Italy. Both experiences and hardships will be worth it. It just sucks that they are being piled together.
    I love you, and you are going to be even more stronger and more YOU, when it’s passed.
    I told this woman today, and it qualifies for you as well: Bad things happen fast, recoveries, and good things happen slowly. But one day you look around and BAM, it’s all good. And you are that much better for it. (Almost like running if that makes sense)

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