Squatters

Squatters
147 West Broadway

So uhh…I want to start by saying I do not enjoy giving negative reviews. In fact, if you read any my previous reviews you’ll probably notice I am easily impressed and amused. So most places I go I enjoy. Squatters is an exception to this rule.

Maybe it was the expectations. I’ve heard many good things about Squatters. The beer is good and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, these people lie. Here’s the real story.

#1 Squatters is a male dominated world. I grew up with five boys, I’m used to the room being testosterone heavy. But Squatters is overwhelming in the number of middle-aged men. Not being of the middle-aged and male persuasion, it was not my pint of beer.

#2 Service is slow. Although we were seated immediately and our drink orders taken quickly. I was forced to give the stare down to a busboy and our waitress to get the check. It’s a pet peeve I have. Otherwise, Missy was a decent server and answered all my usual obnoxious questions about most popular/favorite dishes.

#3 The food is mediocre. Seriously, not very good. I ordered a burger with fries ($9). The fries are the frozen then fried kind, which I’m not a big fan of. Amazingly Squatters is a Utah restaurant that doesn’t serve fry sauce. Instead they offer a chipotle aioli. It was way yummy and made me feel better about the whole not-fresh fries situation.

The bun was way too big for the burger. I ordered my burger well-done and by the time I finally found the center it was somewhere between well-done and medium rare. Did you know there was a middle stage to the grilling?

Me either.

To be fair, Ava did enjoy her chicken chimichanga ($12-ish). “I’m really lovin’ this rice,” she said. The rice was tender and fluffy with a nice amount of seasoning. The bite I had of chimichanga wasn’t overly impressive, but it was good.

#4 The beer. I know this is the big one, the reason people go to Squatters. I ordered the Full Suspension ($4.79 on tap), which is not a good choice for a woman who would rather drink a cocktail. It’s a bitter beer and left a very acidic after taste in the back of my throat.

On the other hand, the Provo Girl Ava ordered was very yummy. It was smooth and “good for what ales you” without Ava or me making yucky faces.

I apologize if you are a middle-aged man who loves Squatters. Maybe someday when I am a middle-aged man we can all love Squatters together. Until then, happy eating.

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